I am unqualified. I did not go to upper crust schools. I don't have a slew of letters behind my name. No PhD, no masters of anything. I am a sinner; broken down to be built back up with what I lacked in the first iteration. My prefix is not Evangelist, Pastor, Apostle.....it's Mrs. That's it. I have growing and shrinking still to do. I don't have fancy words. When I try to be (fancy that is) it always ends up being a disaster; a train wreck. I always end up with lipstick on my teeth or the proverbial skirt that lands neatly tucked in my pantyhose; exposing my most delicate parts.....I'm not eloquent. I say the wrong things at the wrong times and laugh way too loud for dainty ladies. I've learned not to be awkward in social settings that count, but on the inside I'm screaming "Where's the corner for me to crawl in?!?!?" I never receive that respite. I don't think I ever will.
In short, in the natural, you have absolutely no reason to pay me any mind. You have every reason to gloss over these words and keep it moving. BUT. GOD. He has taken those weaknesses; my ordinary, routine, mundane...and used me. I am so humbled by his loving grace and mercy. They are real to me. He has placed songs of worship in my lungs; some utterances only He understands. He has painted visions in my dreams; unseen colors and landscapes. He has written words on my heart I feel compelled to write and sketch and speak to you by any.means.necessary.
Trust me only as far as I am the messenger. Take the words I sense the Holy Spirit giving me and press them firmly against the Word of God. I do because I don't trust my own faulty flesh. Do you get wine or vinegar? Is it a confirmation or contradiction? I'm not putting on a show here. God has placed a burden on my heart for your eyes to be open, ears to be unplugged, and heart to be tenderized. Yes tenderize, and God is the infinitely better version of MSG; working his way through your knotty flesh; kneading out the unsavory places. I want to revel in God's goodness with you! You have access too! This is not some highfaluting, exclusive, hoity-toity country club. This is Kingdom living.
He wants you to know who you are in a real way; not by some heady, works-based system either. He wants you to tune your ears, not to some slick-talking preacher with an 800 number and book promo scrolling the bottom of your screen or a toothy-grinned guru trying to bake the life out of you in some yurt up in Washington state. Instead, he wants to woo you with his eternal words and unbreakable promises. It's what you've wanted but haven't yet asked for. Yet.
My prayer is, these words, given by the Holy Spirit, would always point you to Christ. I hope my moments of humanness would remind you that God's grace and mercy are real and renewable. Blessings to each and every one of you reading this.